If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
