white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
