I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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