He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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