you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
