come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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