it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
