Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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