glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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