so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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