You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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