I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
