just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
