boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
