I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
