Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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