Umm I'm too high to move.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
