Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
