I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
