all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
