I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I die, sorry about rent.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
