barbara walters just said penis...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
