I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
