this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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