I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh god it's open bar.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
