Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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