He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
May the power of my ass compel you!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize