its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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