I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if only i could text you this smell
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize