1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
