Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
