brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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