is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
