The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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