is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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