Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
