Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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