dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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