Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
