I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
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all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.