I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
