Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
She even gives head with a lisp.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!