I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now