no, he came in my armpit
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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