god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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