I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
