So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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