Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
