fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
