we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
