worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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