she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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