Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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