Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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