I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
