i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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