Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
