It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
