I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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