Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
