What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
