Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
