you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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