these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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