Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
