I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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