R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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