Pappa wants mamma naked
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
