Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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