Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
