I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
