On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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