everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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