She's JV to your varsity
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
