You're completely useless in the revolution.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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