If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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