you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
