I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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