I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
