Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
