I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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