Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
